Fighting Over Spending Habits

by Debbie Vasen | More from this Blogger

20 Nov 2007 09:35 AM

The second installment in this brief series in fighting over money is the other most common reason couples fight: spending habits. We all develop our own unique spending style and philosophy. Some fun loving individuals believe in the motto - you only live once - and therefore spend with that goal in mind. Others look further ahead to the future and all that money can provide them if they save and invest wisely. If these two types marry, then the setup is certain disaster.

Most couples are not this extremely different, but everyone has some disagreements about spending. We are not clones of each other, and as a couple our money overlaps in so many different ways. Therefore, fights will occur and hopefully these disagreements can help families find some balance and ultimate agreement.

How do you fight over spending choices? What if you and your spouse are completely different? This first step is to make the time for a serious talk, together... no distractions and no raised voices. This sort of conversation should ideally be away from the home at a quiet place comfortable for both of you. Coffee shops, restaurants or even a library make great options. The key is to set aside some time to really understand each others spending and money goals.

Talking is really only the beginning. It is also important to listen. Often in arguments we spend too much time not really listening to each other. When you have this meeting, take turns, share and really listen.

Lastly, you will need to take notes and write it down. Start a money dream notebook together. At the first step, write all your dreams down... even if you don't agree. Avoid an argument by deciding upfront that everyone's opinion is valid.

Coming together with your money goals is essential in any relationship. They are integral in almost everything you do. If you can't get together and support each other with this concept, your relationship is bound for failure.

Once you find a balance and a way to come together on both long and short term money goals, you can then save it all in writing. Whenever fights do occur (and they will!) bring out the notebook. Take yourselves back to that special time when you planned these goals together. Remind yourselves you are a team and work through the problems instead of just fighting.

Related Articles:

*How to Fight About Money

*Determine the Best Route

*The Forest or the Trees?

Learn more about Debbie Vasen

Debbie Vasen is a published web content editor and writer, as well as a freelance writer for various print publications. In addition to blogging at Families.

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